Wanna hold an eyeball?

Today was without doubt the busiest day at work we’ve had so far. Jessica and I were scrambling to get everything done we needed to but it was almost an impossible task. We were swamped with constant phone calls. I spent a lot of time setting up for different things like arrangements. Not to mention there were about 300 people who came into our building today with about 30 people in the lobby at the most which happened two different times. Because of this high traffic level, I made a whole lot of coffee and had to keep it coming which is my least favorite task On days like today, we get pretty overwhelmed and would usually be frustrated at the event that happened next, but it was too odd that we couldn’t help but laugh.

In the midst of all this commotion, a man walked through the front doors saying, “Where is the woman who stole my 865 dollars?” As we inquired what he meant by this statement, we figured out that the man had a pre-arrangement with us for his own funeral and it had cost him 865 dollars. Jessica was going to search the contracts to see who he had met with previously so he could tall with them. She asked his name and he asked her which one she would like. After several tries, he gave her a card and said that she could use that one. She looked up the name and he indeed did have a pre-arrangement with us. She was about to go downstairs to look at the file and he told her not to bother. At this moment we were wondering why he was even in our office if he didn’t want to talk with anyone or didn’t have any real questions. He then said, “When you cremate me, make sure not to include my big finger.” He then pulled out his hand from his pocket and had placed a giant finger on his middle finger so was basically giving us the bird in a really obvious way. At this point in time, I am still not sure if he was aware of what finger he had placed it on. He went on, “I also don’t want this little treasure cremated. It’s my friend’s false eye. This thing cost him 5 grand. Here, hold it.” He pulled out a fake eye and gave it to Jessica. She was apprehensive at first but took it eventually. Then she handed it to me. It was a weird shape. When I handed it back to him he looked at my name tag and called me Lisa the rest of the time.

He said, “Lisa, how was your New Years Eve?” I told him it was fun and that I went to a dance. He made a drinking gesture as if to say that is why I had fun. I told him I didn’t drink and he said that he didn’t either. He told me that he also went to a dance but the average age of everyone there was 72 years old. He couldn’t tell if the woman’s faces or dresses were more wrinkled. He then asked how my boyfriend was doing and was disappointed to discover that he did not exist but wasted no time with “helping me out.” He told me about his handsome Navy nephew who is currently in Hawaii but is coming home soon. He assured me that he would send him my way. I tried to be polite. He then said, “What are you, like 29?” I said I was a “little” younger than that. He said his nephew was 40 and asked if that was too old to which I replied, “yes.” Disappointed and defeated he said, “Well ladies, my time is running short,” and pulled a measuring tape out about 2 feet from his pocket. He continued, “It’s been a pleasure, thank you for your help.” We were confused as to how we had helped him really but said goodbye.

After he left, Jessica said, “What the heck was that? This place is getting weirder by the minute.” We were so stressed but just had to laugh at how obscure this even was. I am still trying to make sense of it myself. My conclusion is leaning towards; he is a lonely old man who likes to try to make people laugh and just wanted someone to give him attention for 5 minutes. Maybe the fact that he had a plan with us was reason enough to drop by at such a busy hour. All in all, next time an old man walks into your office with no real reason, watch out; you might get an eyeball out of the deal!